Mesaje dintre doua autobusuri

Here is a sequence of text messages sent over the course of five hours several weeks ago, as I was traveling to Romania and another volunteer, Jess, was traveling to the Ukraine. The following is a window on the Moldovan bus experience.

November 1, 2006

Jess 18:13 I just got on the bus for Lvov and got comfy to relax and the driver, who keeps hitting on me, started blaring hora music. And wouldn't you know my seat is right under the speaker.

Me 18:28 At least your ride is short. I'm on a bus [to Bucharest] for the next 10 hours, with the exception of when I get to stand in the cold at the border.

Jess 18:33 Shut up jerk. I've got 18 hours ahead of me with a HUGE man next to me.

Me 18:35 Oh yeah. I thought "Ivov" was a strange shortening of Ialoveni. [Ialoveni is Jess's site, 15 minutes from Chisinau. Lvov is a Ukrainian city significantly farther away.] I forgot you were getting into a bad situation. Let's bitch until one of us leaves the country.

Jess 18:38 The driver keeps hitting on me. I told him I was meeting my boyfriend in Lvov and he said we could have 18 hours together. Eww!

Me 18:42 Describe the driver. If he's halfway decent, you should make out with him at a rest stop. No pressure, of course. I'll just be very disappointed if you don't.

Jess 18:45 He's tall, dark and handsome. Not overly creepy. I would make out with him but he smokes. Big turn off. I do have some altoids. Hmm...

Me 18:47 I'll give you all of my Romanian change when I get back if you take a picture of you two kissing on the lips in the driver's seat.

Jess 18:49 Interesting offer. I'll consider it. What about your driver. Is he a winner?

Me 19:05 Nope. He's a loser. Thankfully, loser drivers are only really bad after 12 hours.

Jess 19:10 True. My bus is hot and unpleasant. Like a dog's breath. There are creepy green lights that make everything have an X-Files like appearance.

Me 19:13 I have slightly creepy lights, but as I predicted, there aren't many people on the bus. I've got two seats to myself.

Jess 19:15 It's funny because our bus isn't at all full but we are all sitting in the front 15 seats. One woman tried to go sit by herself but the bus Nazi wasn't havin' it.

Me 19:17 Maybe you have to get to a second station before everyone's on the bus and you can move around. Or maybe the bus Nazi's just a real Nazi. "No comfort for you."

Jess 19:19 I think she's real. She made me salute her.

Me 19:20 Did you salute her back with the middle finger? Where's your rebellious spirit? It's time to stage a passenger revolt. Да ваи!

Jess 19:22 Why are these people always in the mood for hora music?

Me 19:27 My people are in the mood for Russian dramas with military men. It's on DVD, and it looks like there are at least eight episodes available. Thank God for my iPod.

Jess 19:30 It sounds lovely. Because of my future kissing partner's fondness for smoking, we've stopped already.

Me 19:33 After an hour? Impressive lack of endurance. He's probably not very good in bed, either. I picked a bus that goes south through Cahul, the long way to Bucharest.

Jess 19:35 Nice work. We'll see about that not good in bed thing.

[Message missing from me.]

Jess 19:39 Well honestly, who wouldn't?

Jess 19:41 I just looked at the man next to me and burped loud.

Me 19:43 That was his signal to the driver that the bidding war for make-out rights has begun. The bidding is entirely in Soviet rubles.

Jess 19:45 No need. It's a long ride and there's plenty to go around.

Me 19:50 An old lady just came from three rows back and asked me if the seat next to me was taken. Before I could respond, the middle-aged woman behind me told her it was occupied and shooed her away. Then she smiled, patted me on the arm and said, "Old people. They just want attention."

Jess 19:53 Haha! I am so jealous. Not only do you get two seats, but an army to defend them.

Me 20:10 How many times have you stopped so far to pick up packages or bags? I'm not sure if we've stopped two or three times.

Jess 20:14 We've stopped about eight times.

Me 21:01 Awesome. This Russian drama focused five minutes on a wide-angle shot of some woman and man flirting next to the pool. I'm totally lost. I'm gonna rest my eyes now.

Jess 21:12 Noapte buna.

November 2, 2006

Me 01:15 We've been at the border for almost three hours, and the Romanian guard just took our passports. Any better progress on the other border?

Jess 01:19 We've been here one hour and I think we're almost done. On the bad side, the woman in front of me just discovered her seat reclines. Real far.

Jess 01:20 How are you only at the border? I'm at the most northern border.

Me 01:23 Well it only took three and a half hours to get to Cahul, but we took an hour and a half on the Moldovan side and we're at an hour and a half hours now on the Romanian side.

Jess 01:25 Suckeroo. We were on the Moldova side all of 10 minutes.

Me 01:28 Which crossing are you at? Ocnita or Briceni or where? Romania's border is going to take longer and longer because they want to be strict and become EU.

Jess 01:30 Briceni. Darn that EU.

Me 01:33 Darn that EU indeed. Alright, since we're both at the borders and on our way out, I'll wish you a happy vacation. Don't forget to make out with the driver.

Jess 01:34 I won't. He's on break at 3. Happy trails my brotha'.